God's faithfulness, something we learn and grow in as we walk through this journey on earth. As I remember the words to the song, "Through It All," I can't help but see the many ways God has been faithful even though as I walked through some of the trials I wondered at times if God even cared. Awesome thing about God though, He never leaves us nor forsakes us, even in the most difficult times. The problem we have is, in the midst of the circumstances of of life, when things are crashing down all around us, we have a tendency to forget He is right there with us, carrying us through.

Jesus told us in the Gospel of John, "In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." I never expected a bed of roses but I also never thought things could get as bad as they have and I didn't know the power of God that can overtake you and give you a cheerful and thankful heart. My prayer as you read this testimony is that you will not see all the problems I encountered and feel sorry for me but that you will see the grace and love of God that has brought me through it all and is able to bring you through it all too.

As I walked into the house the weight of the last 4 and 1/2 years seemed as if a semi-truck was sitting on me. It had been one of those days, one of many days, that I had to do work outside that I knew before hand would leave my body hurting and in pain. It was a reminder of all the other days when my heart would have danced just to have someone there to help me. I don't know what was worse, the pain of the work, or the scars in my heart from doing all this work alone.

I have been alone since the day my husband decided he was leaving. He had no reason, just decided he didn't want to be married anymore. He left without a word, filed for divorce and moved out of the state. In the last 4 and 1/2 years there has not been any contact between us. He had told my mom several times that he would never ever leave, but then one day he just upped and walked away. He was the son that my mom had never had , and she was his mother. There was never any doubt that he loved her as if she was his mother. They had a very special relationship. But his mind was taken captive and he had to leave, not even knowing why. So he up and left leaving me to take care of everything that pertained to my life, my mom's and the farm we lived on. The not-knowing why he left and the way he walked out, left scars and other baggage that I have carried around. Most days God's grace is there and is sufficient, making the journey easier. Some days the burdens are heavier to carry than others, this was one of those days....

My hands were cut, bleeding and swollen from working and my back was tired from lifting….

My thoughts were on the past and all that had happened.

It was time for supper, yet I was too tired to care or even cook it....but I would have to find something to eat, if only for my mother....

Mom had been sick many times…. Right after my marriage ended her left hand starting shaking. It seemed that she was top heavy cause she was topping over and falling all the time. During this time the Dr.’s had given her a prescription for arthritis, it wasn’t long afterwards that she passed out in the middle of the night. The next day she was passing blood. Tests had to be run, and the prognosis was not good. They were hinting at things that loved ones don't want to hear. For the first few days fear gripped me and tied my stomach into knots, and then one night the grace of God came upon me and I knew all would be O.K. After several tests were run we were told she had a bleeding ulcer….The arthritis medicine had eaten a hole in her stomach, now we had to replace the arthritis medicine with something for her stomach. I couldn't believe my ears when I went to pick up the bottle at the local drug store, it was $240.00 for a months supply. I asked the Dr. when she would be able to go off the medicine. I was told she was to take it for the rest of her life. There was no prescription coverage.

Also, at this time she was diagnosed with Parkinson's…so another prescription was needed. Parkinson's worked within her body, she soon looked drawn and frail. She was anything but the picture of health. People began to ask me if she was alright. Her feet stumbled when she walked. She had to be careful because she couldn’t walk as fast as she wanted to go. She fell several times. Thankfully she fell without hurting herself. Another result of the Parkinson's took control of her body, she was unable to lift her arms very high, and instead of hanging down at her sides they started to hug her body in a deformed way, it had also affected her vocal cords.

It is amazing how one can get use to things whether good or bad. I had grown use to seeing her frail and her arms awkwardly at her sides... So I did not notice when the changes began to take place. That is until the day God awoke me with a dream. In this dream I saw mom with her arms hanging down at her sides like in days gone by. In the normal way that you and I would take for granted. I jumped out of bed and asked mom to get up and walk across the room, telling her to do so and not ask why. She did, and as she did I saw arms that were hanging down to her sides like yours and mine would be. They no longer were tight to her sides in that deformed sort of way. It wasn’t long until her face was looking better and less drawn. The Parkinson’s had started to reverse in her body. When she was diagnosed God told me Parkinson's was just a Name. A name that I knew must bow to the ultimate Name, and that was the Name of Jesus. I knew that in time she would be healed, I have seen the beginning of this healing, someday God will finish this work in her body. For what God starts God will finish and I had His promise on it so the burden was lifted. Little did I know the enemy was right around the corner with another fiery dart.

It seemed like she was doing better when she started having chest pains, actually it was just a discomfort in her chest area. Later we found out it was a heart attack. It seems that like mom a lot of woman don’t have the crushing chest pains with a heart attack, that men do. Once again the doctors started to say things that I did not want to hear, trying to prepare me for what they thought was probably going to happen.

Just like the words of the song, I again learned about God's faithfulness. Right before these chest pains began God gave me another dream. In this dream I saw mom sick, but soon afterwards I saw her well…. I dismissed this because my dream hadn't gone into much detail. I am learning to pay more attention to the dreams God has blessed me with. For He is faithful to show us in dreams, visions and through His word those things we may walk through. "My brethren, think it not strange the fiery trial that is about to come upon you..."

Tests were done, one after another. On the last test before they flew her across 2 states to another hospital, I actually saw my mom as I had seen her in my dream. She was sick to her stomach and vomiting. The procedure had left her sick, so sick that she had to be flown and not taken in an ambulance. God in his faithfulness had shown me before any of this even happened, but I had not understood the whole picture, for I had seen only part of it. Sometimes when God gives us dreams that are uplifting and encouraging we pay more attention than those that are forewarning us of things to come. God knows this and so did Paul, since I had only seen in part, I am reminded of this verse Paul wrote in his letter to the Corinthians.

"For now we see through a glass, darkly;

but then face to face: now I know in part;

but then shall I know even as also I am known."

1Cr 13:12

As I said earlier, many obstacles I faced in the natural I have had to face alone, at least the physical labor part and the emotional weariness, but through times like this I believe God knows we need a person. He sent a friend to help in time of need.

Gene and his wife Neva have been friends for quite a while now. Gene, whether he knows it or not, has become like a father to me, especially being when I could barely think, nevermind being able to walk through this episode with my mom by myself.

Gene drove me across two states to be with mom. Within minutes of our arrival she was wheeled out of surgery. They had already done the procedures on her heart. An orderly was in the waiting room asking for me by name. Mom had told them her daughter would soon be there. When we saw her it was amazing, she looked better and healthier already. They said she did well and everything looked good. Amazing how a couple of hours can change the look of things. Back home only a few hours earlier, they were preparing me for what might be. Somewhere between the time that the tests were run and the time she went into the surgery God had changed the situation to confirm what He has shown me in the dream. He had shown me her sick but well very quickly. She was dismissed soon afterwards with another bunch of prescriptions. She went through 3 months of rehab and did better than they ever thought possible. She gained strength both in her body and her heart. The rehab was beneficial for the Parkinson’s as much as the heart. God is our healer, He is continually healing mom just as His word promises in Psalm 103:3........

"who healeth all thy diseases..." and He is has also brought healing to my body.

Many, many things have happened in a few short years….Even though it's been only four and a half years, sometimes it seems a lifetime. During this time I also had a stay in the hospital. I was in there 18 hours and it cost me over six thousand dollars. For two of these four years I was unable to stand straight. I could not walk without pain nor could I stand without pain, and when I stood I had to stand stooped over at the waist. After months of going to the chiropractor I stopped going, the treatments were doing me no good. The only thing I could see as a result of the treatments was a big chiropractor bill and a lot of trips to and fro.

If I went somewhere I had to lean against a wall to stand to talk. Pain seemed to be my constant companion. I didn’t feel like dressing up so I wore slacks and flat shoes. Then one day I could stand straight and walk without pain. It use to be if I went shopping I had to lean over the shopping cart to be able to walk. This became my natural way of doing things. It was in this position that the pain seemed to go away. Then one day as I was shopping it became uncomfortable for me to bend over the shopping cart, so I straightened up. This was the beginning of my being able to stand straight and to be able to walk without the constant pain. . Just as it seemingly came on for no reason, it left the same way. But I know the real reason that it left and His name is Jesus, for it was by His stripes that we were healed. Where the medical field could not help me, I left it in Gods hands. And it was through His hands that relief and deliverance came from the bondage that I had suffered from.

Psalm 46 tells us, "....God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble"

Sickness was not the only attack of the enemy against mom and myself through this time. I think if it was just the sickness I could have handled it, but just as the Word of God states, "many are the afflictions of the righteous, but God delivers him out of them all." Afflictions seems to be all around but through it all I continually learn about the faithfulness of God.

The income that should have been more than enough in my life hardly paid the operating cost. The farm was operating in the red. Things broke down right after another. New appliances would break down, things would happen that you wouldn't believe. We had problem after problem with our vehicles, In fact in the past month the car and the truck have broken down twice while we were on the road. Prescription costs remained very high. There were a lot of things that I wanted to do but was physically unable to do. Only a select few actually knew to what extent the things that we went through.

All these things have tired me and I had grown weary. So as I walked to the house in pain, all these things seemed to weigh heavily upon me. And then without warning my thoughts changed. And I became thankful in all things. Not thankful for what I had been through, but thankful that I was still standing not just physically but spiritually.

God has given me promises that I have been standing on. Promises that I have not yet seen manifest. Promises that like Joseph came through dreams, dreams that I have shared with some. And just as Joseph, dreams that have excited me and raised faith in me, but they were not received by many. And again just as Joseph, dreams that did not appear when I thought that they should or would appear. For our timetable and God's timetable are not alike. And just as Joseph was thrown into prison and could do nothing, neither could I. There was nothing in the natural that I could do to help the situation. I had done all that I knew to do... Things that should of been going alright, didn't. Finances that should of been coming in to meet every need , didn't. Finances that should of been more than enough, were not near enough..

But something was different this day as I walked into the house. It seemed that just as quick as a “twinkling of an eye” I weighed these things on a scale, and I found that the things that had come against me just were not as bad as they could have been. That even though they seemed terrible as I was going through them, at that moment something happened in my heart.

And it was in that instant as I walked to the house that I knew all was well. I felt thankfulness in my heart. I began to praise him for being there with me every step of the way. I never saw this change of heart coming. As I said earlier I had grown weary, very weary. Now I was thankful, now I had the good cheer in my heart that Jesus had spoken about. This was a new revelation to me. I realized that in the midst of it all I could be and was thankful to God. I was grateful that even though the road had not been an easy one, nor was it the road that I would of wanted or chosen for myself, I knew that all was well with my soul, I knew that what was could of been worse, and at that moment I knew what it was to be thankful in all things and to be satisfied with what you have. I began to understand what Paul meant when he said in Philippians, "....for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." We all know the Bible tells us to be thankful, to have good cheer, but when the trials of life come we actually learn to walk out what the Word says, not in our own ability but through the power of the Holy Spirit. For truly the thankfulness in my heart did not appear of my own accord but by the Spirit of the Living God, whom Jesus promised would be our comforter.

I became thankful for all the Lord has done in my heart through this trial. I now have compassion and mercy for those going through similar trials that I may not have had if I had not gone through all that I have. The Word of God says in 2nd Corinthians:3-4

"Blessed by God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort we ourselves are comforted of God."

Though Jesus in me always had compassion on others, He has taught me the true meaning of it as we live in a world filled with pain and heartache, where so many have become hopeless.

I became thankful for all the blessings I have received during this time. The blessing of knowing Jesus even more intimately, the blessing of many friends online, the blessing of knowing the Lord who heals the broken hearted

There is a saying :

"Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have...."

Things around me had not changed. The same things that I had faced yesterday was still facing me today. The only thing that has changed is me. For some reason in those few moments, God had touched my heart. For it was in His grace and His love that He somehow touched me, and doing so I realized that I was indeed blessed. When I look at what I have been through, and still going through, the good, the bad and the ugly I am able to weigh all of it against the whole picture, looking ahead to the fulfillment of His promises, and what is yet to come. In that brief amount of time everything came into perspective and I understood and saw the whole picture and became thankful.

Friends around me watch and see all the bad things that have happened. A husband that walked away one day without a word or reason. Crops that didn’t produce but in fact cost more money than they returned, putting us in the red thousands and thousands of dollars each year, not just one year but for 3 years. A kennel that should of supplied a profitable income that hardly paid the farm expense. Dogs that died for no reason, litters that didn’t make it, healthy adorable puppies that didn't sell. All the sickness that we had been through and the cost of the medicine that needed to be bought.

They saw all these things that were happening to me, but some did not see My God in the midst of all it. I would hear things like, "If it wasn't for bad luck you wouldn't have any luck at all." When in fact I was and am a blessed daughter of God. For blessings are not always seen by the outward appearance or weighed by the size of your income or what you own or the car you drive. Some of God's biggest blessings come but are unseen to the natural eye.

In the midst of all of these things, my mom was healed of Diabetes, she now can eat anything and everything without her sugar going up. She no longer takes medicine to control it. She was diagnosed with lumps in her breast, but when they took the mammogram they could find none. The Parkinson's that was running rampant in her body has started to reverse.. She now looks better and younger than she has in years. Many times people comment on this and how well she looks. She went through her heart procedure when it was doubtful if she could even have it. They also said if they were able to do it she would probably have to go to a rest home to recover. In all these things God has been her strength and her healer. He is our Master Physician, he is the Specialist we call on. He is on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and doesn't hesitate to make house calls.

In the midst of all this God has blessed me with dreams, dreams that have shown me and told me what He is doing in my life. Dreams that tell me what He will do if I will believe Him for them. Dreams of promises that someday will be fulfilled. Dreams that have shown me how to pray and what to pray for. Some of the dreams have already come to pass, the others I stand with God on waiting for them to manifest in my life, for I know that God is not a man that can lie, and what He says He will do, He does.

In the midst of all this He has anointed me to pray for the sick. I have been blessed to see some awesome miracles in the past few months.

In the midst of this God has promised to restore... That all things that have been taken from me, would be returned.

So when I weighed the trials against the blessings, I saw the scales were not balanced. And thought many would see the trials outweighed the blessings. I saw the blessings outweighing the trials.

I know you may be reading this and thinking that you could never be thankful in the midst of your circumstances. I am here to tell you differently, for the Lord has given me a thankful heart and today I can look around and I can see the faithfulness of God in my life, to walk with me through it all. There is another song that says it all, I pray you will take it to heart and ask Jesus to help you see His grace, love and power through it all.

...Through it all, through it all...I have learned to trust in Jesus, learned to trust in God. Through it all, through it all, I have learned to depend upon his word.

God's word is faithful and true! May we all give thanks to the One who gave His life for us, who through it all, never wavered, for He saw the joy that was set before Him, He saw what His Father had promised, and was willing to come to earth, die on a cross, knowing that God would raise Him from the dead and bring salvation to many. His name is Jesus my friend and I can affirm that if you will receive His forgiveness and love into your heart, you too can sing "Through it all," and realize just how faithful He IS with thankfulness in your heart!

ANSWER TO SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND - Ephesians 5:1-2